aliveandticking

And wings too! I think I can put them away if I want, but I feel like they're supposed to go with the outfit.

That must be nice.

[He means it, too. He smiles at her helplessly, unsure of what to say]

Uh, I'm pretty new here, but if you've got any questions I can try to answer them.

[ okay no enough is enough! She pulls away finally, putting her face in her hands ]

Sollux, this is so awkward! You can tell too, right?

[He falls silent, feeling abandoned that she's pulled away. And he's sure that it's his fault that things are awkward. He sags unhappily, hanging his head.]

I'm...sorry.

[ oops she keeps forgetting he can't... see her. She puts a hand back on his arm, so he'll know where she is ] You know I'm okay with-- I mean, whatever you have with Feferi, you know I understand, right? I mean, I died, and then was a sprite, and a robot, and I basically just moped around ignoring everyone, so-- I mean, I understand, if that's why you're feeling kind of weird.

Oh. [That doesn't actually...make him feel any better. At all.] Yeah, thanks. I appreciate that, aa. [His tone turns sarcastic] If anything happens with ff, I won't have to worry. Not that that's likely to happen, since she's not here, and she's a princess anyway. But I'm glad that you still don't really care what I do. That's a big load off.

[Wow, he feels a little mean, now, but feeling guilty sort of makes him feel angry, and he turns his face away, scrubbing his face with his fingers and biting his lip]

Oh, stop being so self-deprecating! That's not what I meant. [ she grabs his face and turns it back to her you stop that this instant young man ] I said I understand, not that I don't care!

[He stiffens as she manhandles him and jerks back, breaking her grip. Reaching up, he tries to grab her hands in both of his, though he has only the aroma of them to guide him and that's pretty vague at this point.]

I get it!

[ she lets him take her hands, biting her lip ] Sorry. That was pretty rude.

[Don't apologize, Aradia, it makes him feel bad. He squeezes her hands tightly]

I just...don't know what you want from me. You don't know what it was fucking... ugh... how do you think it felt like when the first time I talked to you after I blew up your hive, you were so cold and distant? Like you practically hated me, except you didn't even give enough of a shit to do that?

... I didn't know I'd killed you, too. I didn't know what you were going through, and I know it was way worse for you, but it still sucked for me, aa.

I know. After I died, it was like... nothing mattered, and everything sucked, and the voices were really loud then, louder than they ever were before. It didn't even occur to me to tell anyone I was dead, because it didn't have anything to do with the game then, really! All I ever did was break stuff and bring about the apocalypse. I know I was really horrible to you, and you didn't deserve it, even if I wasn't doing it on purpose.

Yeah. [He sighs] Aa, I know you weren't doing it on purpose. I don't blame you... that's not what I'm trying to say.

It's just that I've spent the last few months thinking that you probably blamed me, and that we were through as friends or anything else. And then you hugged me, and I thought you were dead again. But now you're you again, and I just...don't know where I stand. Or what you want. Or fuck, what I want.

The first gogdamn thing you say is that you're okay with me going out with ff. And that's fine, I guess. But it doesn't really help.

I guess I should have actually asked you! I just assumed you didn't really want anything to do with me any more, at least not that way, after everything that happened... [ she shifts uncomfortably, scrunching her nose as she thinks this through ] I guess I came to terms with that before actually asking you if it was the truth.

[He nods slowly, his fingers rubbing hers in an unconscious way] I don't know, aa. It's not true that I want nothing to do with you. I still think you're amazing.

But I'm sort of...confused about my feelings about a lot of people right now. And you're probably at the top of the list.

[ she throws her arms around his neck impulsively, squeezing tight ] I still really care about you, you know. No matter how you work your feelings out, that won't change! Not any more. I'm done with dying.

[He's startled to get an armful of Aradia, for a couple of reasons, but he slowly wraps his arms around her and holds her tight] I still really care about you, too, aa. And...I'm sorry I'm so messed up.

I think a lot of us are pretty messed up. Maybe that's why we're here! So we can have a bit of a break to figure everything out.

[He hadn't thought of that. He shrugs and rests his chin on her shoulder]

Yeah, maybe. Who knows? I don't mind if we never go back.

We have to go back someday. [ she pets his hair absently while she thinks ] I think this place has a different time flow than our universe, so we can probably stay for a long time without affecting what happens there. But there are things we have to do.

[He mutters irritably, but he likes the petting and it's nice to just talk about something that's not very emotional]

I'm blind and have no powers. I don't think there's much I can do to save our race.

You would be surprised! I have a feeling there's still more for you to do. But you probably don't want to talk about this.

Not really. [He smiles sheepishly] Like I said, I'd be happy to stay here, aa. Maybe that'll change, but things seem a lot better than they were in the Veil, even if they're also pretty fucked up.

[ she bites her tongue on happenings at home for now. It's harder to keep track of here, anyway, the things that are, that were, that could be, that must not-- she has an inkling of them, from her awakened abilities and from the voices of the dead, but it still takes effort to keep them all straight-- so she lets that go as much as she can, even though it's always going to be in the back of her mind.

She withdraws a little, enough to look around the room, keeping her hands loosely around his shoulders so he'll know she's still there ]

It even feels nicer here! The air smells a lot fresher.

Yeah, that's true. [His smile relaxes a bit] I haven't really explored very much, obviously, but hopefully I'll get good enough in a couple more weeks to get around by myself. I hear there's a big city.

Yeah, there is! At least, it looked pretty big from where I was. I'm not really used to cities, so I don't know if it's big in general.

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[Action] wow i need more icons

[Action] This icon seems appropriate anyway haha

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